Master of Man

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My heart is breaking as I watch what is happening all over the United States of America, and subsequently, the world. I love this country, I love what it is MEANT to stand for, I love the values and principles it was FOUNDED on, the ones that have kept it strong for 244 years. Seeing the division, the hate, the anger and the strife rips my guts out. What hurts the most, however, is the blind ignorance to history and the emotional manipulation of the masses as a result.

Let us be honest about what is happening and what the REAL virus plaguing our nation is. It’s collectivism. The total annihilation of the individual replaced with a “tribe” a “group” a “culture” a “race” a “gender”… any identity that requires you mold your beliefs to a predetermined ideology you’re NOT allowed to question. Or else…

Or else the collective will descend upon you with a full out smear campaign assaulting your character and labeling you as something abhorrent that no one ever wants to be labeled… so you back down or you get “cancelled”. I haven’t seen behavior so childish and vile since I was in the 3rd grade. Grown human beings coming together like a bunch of spoiled children to bully another individual into oblivion. This is not okay, for any reason… and it is not the answer to unite us again as a nation.

It’s Not Purely Political

We obviously see this most overtly in the political realm, but it’s not purely political. Even in the political realm, both sides engage in the sensationalism and the absolute juvenile behavior. I honestly don’t give a damn if you don’t like Donald Trump. If you cannot see the media manipulation happening to use him as a scapegoat, you’re blinder than a bat. Most people can’t pass a quiz of what president had what policy and that is the biggest tell tale verifying this phenomenon of scapegoating and manipulation. It’s embarrassing.

Having said that, let’s leave politics behind. There are plenty of other examples within corporate America, schools, organizations, you name it. The important question we really need to ask ourselves is, “What exactly is the root of the problem?”. It’s group think, mob mentality, tribalism… COLLECTIVISM.

If you don’t believe me just ask someone how they identify themselves. Is it as an individual human Being with certain character or quality traits & aspirations or do they recite the list of groups they associate themselves with? Don’t lie… I know they define themselves by their career, gender, race, Alma Mater, political party, social club, etc.

Group Think

A wise man once told me, “Tell me how much money you make, where you live and what your job is and I’ll tell you how you vote with shocking accuracy.” He was right. For a short time I was part of a union with one of the employers I worked for, they had a news letter that told me how to vote. I have family members who are part of a different union, I’ve seen the flyers from the union telling them how to vote in national AND local elections.

As a society, we no longer think for ourselves. We no longer gather information, weigh it critically against what we know or dig into it to determine the truth, then judge it solely on the merits we discover. This is why we can’t have rational conversations with one another where we understand the other person’s point of view, even if we don’t agree. It’s why we are so polarized and we decide we have to argue or convince the other to get “in line” with our position. It’s lunacy! It’s so narrow minded and ignorant, how can we not take a step back and treat each other like human Beings?

The Cure to Collectivism

Let me be absolutely clear about one thing… a new collective group is NOT the cure to collectivism. You’ve got your “woke” crowd who are… less than woke. They are sleepwalking through life with their heads willfully in the sand, signalling virtue because their life possess none on it’s own. I always thought this was hilarious… that the “nonconformists” conform to an incredibly identical nonconformity.

The cure is to encourage individualism again and RESPECT it. Now, this does not mean that to be an individual you have to stand out in an extreme and odd way in order to define yourself. More than anything else it is about encouraging people to THINK for themselves. Not teach them what to think, but rather HOW to think through and determine where they stand on any idea or subject. Challenge them to explain WHY they think that way, that’s the real test. If you can’t rationally explain why you think something, you’re a drone. Period.

We need to stop comparing ourselves and measuring our value, then trying to devalue the other in order to elevate ourselves… because of our envy or lack. We need to become curious, to want to learn from those who have what we desire and to base our judgments on MERIT. It doesn’t matter what collective group you’re a part of, if you’re a good person you’re a good person… and if you’re a POS, you’re a POS. Both come in all shapes, sizes, colors, political affiliations, professions, genders, and nationalities.

Above all, we need to return to valuing our local community as much as possible.

Where is the Nucleus?

The nucleus is defined as, “the central and most important part of an object, movement, or group, forming the basis for its activity and growth.” So what IS the central and most important part of our lives? Our society? Our Nation? It is… IDENTITY. Which is why collectivism is so dangerous, it overhauls identity and turns us into avatars of our collective group, not free thinking individuals.

We have to reestablish how we as individuals find our identities. It starts with the family… encouraging our children, siblings, parents, relatives to THINK and DISCOVER on their own. To share without requiring a consensus. To talk through ideas together, be challenged and able to evaluate new information and being encouraged to find who we want to define ourselves as. Sometimes, it will require correction… obviously if a loved one decides they want to resurrect the Nazi party they need an intervention. They need someone to ask them “why?” and help them understand why that’s not right. Help them discover and heal any wounds that may have created such an egregious idea.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before… “Hurting people HURT (other) people.” We need to get better at interrupting the cycle and challenging growth and maturity through thought. This can be especially challenging with individuals who have high levels of emotion, but it’s not impossible. There are many empathetic people who know how to achieve this with both rational and emotional thinkers. It’s not all about becoming Mr. Spock… that would be dull and awful. It’s about finding that beautiful balance and power the alliance of Kirk and Spock produces.

Enough is Enough

It’s time we decide, together, that enough is enough. Regardless of what “side” you’re on, we need to stand together against irrational behavior, cancel culture, violence and real hate. We need to be honest about the hypocrisy in virtue signalling and turn inward. Real change starts with the individual. As Ghandi said, “BE the change you want to see in the world.” If you see disparaging situations, make sure you have first made a correction in yourself so that you can be a voice of wisdom and reason to speak to the issue.

What our world needs right now is a lot more love, understanding and compassion… smile at strangers on the street or in the store. Say hello, ask people how their day was, speak life and truth to people and absolutely stand up for the merit in strong principled values. Challenge yourself to think and challenge others to do the same. Don’t argue with someone who isn’t rational enough to have an intelligent conversation… just smile and move on to the next person who is capable and willing.

Let’s do better by first being an example in our own world, and gradually influence others to join us by setting out on their own individual journey.

Remember, it costs you absolutely nothing to be kind and caring. Love thy neighbor… it doesn’t mean you have to like them or appease them… it just means treat them like a human Being, like you’d want to be treated. Including how you would like to be treated by someone who disagrees with you.

Be the change…

Turning criticism into gold is one of the most powerful skills you can learn in your journey of life. We all know that at some point, we’re going to receive criticism and most of us don’t take it well at all. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could learn how to not let it impact our emotions and take away whatever gold lies within the insult? Well, I’m going to teach you how to do that, with a little practice you’ll be mining gold out of criticism in no time flat.

What is Criticism?

Criticism comes in all sizes and forms, both in healthy deliveries and others that are incredibly toxic and hurtful. The purpose of criticism is to provide someone with feedback that will AID them in making an improvement. For this purpose, you should be able to mine a significant amount of value out of the criticism you receive once you’ve learned the mining process.

What do you do with the hurtful criticism? The same thing. We like to think that hurtful criticism bears no truth, and that may be the case at times, but more likely than not you can find valuable truth even in most hurtful criticism. This isn’t an easy feat to accomplish, we’re wired to protect ourselves and especially our egos at time. Don’t worry if you’re not able to immediately begin the process and need some time to cool down.

Ideally, the individual delivering the criticism is a healthy person who is able to deliver that criticism with care, because they want you to be able to learn and grow. Even so, we have a tendency to not take it well AND simply because someone cares does not mean their own motivations don’t taint the feedback they provide. The best of good intentioned criticism does not always hold merit.

Does Merit Exist?

The first question you must ask yourself any time you receive criticism is, “does merit exist in what this person is saying?”. To do so you must put your ego and feelings aside and ask this question honestly.

Here are some necessary evaluations you must make to determine if merit exists:

  • Who gave you the criticism?
  • Do they have standing in their claim, in other words, do they have any expertise in the subject matter?
  • Was it delivered sincerely, out of anger, etc?
  • Do they benefit from helping me or hurting me?
  • What is the motivation for telling me?
  • Who else can I ask for honest feedback about this matter?

No single answer to any of these questions will determine the level of merit. What asking these questions allows you to do is sift through the portions of criticism that are not productive and focus entirely on the gold within.

Mining for Gold

Example: “You idiot! You always see the best in people and never think twice about trusting, that’s why you ALWAYS get screwed over by people taking advantage of you!”

Let’s break this down…

  • Obviously the person who said this was upset.
  • It would appear they are upset because the intended recipient has been taken advantage of, so it would appear they care.
  • Is the person an idiot? No… of course not, those are hurtful words… flush them.
  • Do they “ALWAYS” get taken advantage of? That’s harsh too, but worth evaluating. Perhaps it is a quite frequent occurrence and worth being aware.

Now, what’s the gold then? If this were me I might think…

“Perhaps I have been a little naive. I’ve loaned 9 of my friends money and only 1 has repaid me. None of the others even try, in fact, when I ask about it they criticize me for asking and often ask for more. Perhaps I trust too freely and have not set firm boundaries. I need to have more respect for myself as well as evaluate the character of my friends.”

See? Gold… you can pull from any criticism the truth that can help you become a better version of you.

What if the person was the friend you loaned money to and you asked them to repay you but they responded with, “You greedy jerk, I told you I would get you the money back! Why are you always bugging me!?!” Imagine you loaned it to them a month ago and they said they’d pay you back in a week. The only other time you asked was 2 weeks prior when they were already a week late in repaying you. Is there merit in their criticism? No. Not a single ounce.

The Richest Man Who Ever Lived

I learned this process from reading the Steven K. Scott book The Richest Man Who Ever Lived, which is a book about the wisdom in the writings of King Solomon, primarily from the book of Proverbs. I haven’t read the book in at least 5 years, but every time I do it adds tremendous value to my life. You’ll notice I included a link to purchase the book from Amazon just above this paragraph and if you’ve downloaded my recommended book list, you’ll notice this book is on it.

Learning this process changed my life. I no longer struggle to find the value in criticism and am quick to dismiss that which has no value. It does still take me a moment to subdue my ego from time to time, but I will always be looking for the gold once I set my feelings aside. I cannot tell you how beneficial this has been to me over the years. It has helped me avoid distressing over unmerited or malicious cracks and brought self awareness to areas in my life I wasn’t able to see myself.

You will be wise like Solomon when you learn to mine the gold out of the criticism you receive and dismiss the rest. Scroll up, get the book and start mining for gold in your life today. I’d love to hear your stories about how the wisdom you learn adds value to your life.

How did I survive in Sales as an Introvert? I didn’t have a choice!

Perhaps that’s over exaggerated, I DID get fired from my 9-5 job for “insubordination”. Don’t worry, it was BS… I just embarrassed a member of the leadership who had an ego the size of Jupiter. BUT, I could’ve gone and got another job working 9-5 somewhere else and continued reveling in my introverted ways. I’m glad that I didn’t.

Invisible Kid

I was that kid who ran around in an imaginary fantasy world because I grew up on a farm with no other siblings. Granted, I have siblings… I just didn’t grow up with them. What that meant was I mostly had to entertain myself.

I definitely felt invisible for a lot of reasons. My dad was a Vietnam Veteran and a Farmer… double whammy on not having a filter or caring what outer people thought of him! As a child, he didn’t pay much attention to me, he was busy talking with neighbors, farming and watching the news. My mom didn’t pay a lot of attention to me either. Her ex-husband manipulated my sisters and took her to court for a custody battle, which he won… thanks to his manipulation of my sisters. I was collateral damage.

When Metallica released there worst album EVER, I liked two songs. Invisible Kid was the one I like the most, and related to in many way. Here is a short excerpt from the lyrics of the song:

Invisible kid
Got a place of his own
Where he’ll never be known
Inward he’s grown

Invisible kid
Never see what he did
Got stuck where he hid
Fallen through the grid

Snippet of lyrics from Metallica’s “Invisible Kid”

Establishing a Pattern of Avoidance

One of my greatest regrets in life is that I established a pattern of avoidance and “quitting” at a young age. My dad didn’t teach me how to persevere, I had to learn that myself. The painful way.

I didn’t posses mental fortitude as a kid, or a young adult. Consequently, when something was too hard for me, I just quit. Basketball, Diving… the only thing I didn’t quit was soccer.

Honestly, I had a lot of bad experiences as a kid. Consequently, I developed a lot of tendencies toward hesitation and avoidance. I acted out in a lot of different ways because I did not know how to cope with the intense feelings that I felt, especially as a teen. I’m probably lucky I didn’t get into things that were super destructive like drinking and drugs. I honestly don’t know how, I just had a strong aversion toward any sort of “crutch”… other than my own pity party of course.

As I had more and more bad experiences, I started to withdraw and become more introverted as a result. I hate social situations, to this day I am uncomfortable being in large crowds. When I don’t have a reason to leave the house, I usually won’t. I’m happy as a pig in poop spending time with myself or a handful of people I trust.

The Point of No Return

Too much happened in my life up until the point where I had a catalyst that set me on a course toward FINALLY confronting this tendency. Prior to that I had already spent years investing in myself trying to figure out how to get where I wanted to go. The day before Thanksgiving in 2016, I was fired from my job. As a result, I decided to pursue and opportunity in sales. I was absolutely terrified.

During my training I tried as much as I could to observe as much as I could and not have to do anything myself. After that, I went out on my own and stumbled without anyone watching. This allowed me to avoid criticism and I had grown accustom to figuring things out on my own.

I’ll tell you what really made a difference when I took on this endeavor, though… at least from a mindset perspective. I determined that I didn’t care if the leadership around me was good, bad, useful or not… I was GOING to succeed in sales. This was it, I was all in. It was sink or swim, baby!

Lean into Help

To be honest, the thing that made a major difference was having help I didn’t expect. I didn’t get a ton of training in the field, but I had someone a phone call away who would ask me the right questions to identify how I could to better. As a result, I started to open up and trust more as well as push myself further. Had I not had someone to help me dig through my challenges and push me, I would’ve failed.

One of the biggest external challenges in the sales world today is not having help. Unfortunately, the environment is often a “dog eat dog” free for all. The top salespeople don’t want to share their secrets because it creates competition for them and they have no vested interest. That’s a problem.

Everyone needs help and this is precisely why I created Master of Man. I want to share what I have learned so others can succeed in areas I have stumbled in before finding my footing and success. I want people to be able to learn quicker than I did and when they reach my age, be better than I was. Or, if they are older than me I’d like to help get them up to speed and beyond.

Above all, it doesn’t matter what personality type you have in sales. What matters is if you decide you’re going to make it and act on the help you receive.

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It seems like there is debate happening surrounding the idea of Faith vs. Personal Development. The idea of faith and logic not being able to coincide. If you’re not a person of faith I’d suggest you read this anyway because it’s not a debate most people would assume.

You see, our society is currently so polarized we have this toxic idea that two things cannot simultaneously be true. If you believe one thing, and I believe another there are no options in between. We simply have to fight to the death over our respective positions. Of course, that couldn’t be further from the truth. We need to take a step back and reflect deeper on the relationship between conflicting ideas. In the end, we don’t have to agree at all, but we should respect differing opinions.

The Power of Faith

Faith is an extremely powerful idea. In the Western World, we are a primarily Judaeo-Christian culture and for the purpose of this post I’m going to assume that view. Ironically, it is my own personal view as well.

Here is what is important to remember about faith… in terms of being a “Christian”, or if you prefer, a “follower of Christ” the objective is to discover a personal intimate relationship with the Creator and Savior of the world. There are many theories on how to achieve this, the most common being go to church on a regular basis, sing loudly in the choir, pray, read the Bible, and reflect the attitude of Christ.

But what’s that got to do with having a “personal and intimate relationship” with God? Well, to be honest, when you really dig into it… there isn’t much. Now, Before I get crucified for being sacrilegious let me explain…

Attending church, singing loudly on Sunday, studying the pastor’s sermon… this is all part of the “activities” of faith. In many ways this is the weekly communal meal where you get together and socialize as well as receive some guidance and fill up on food for thought. The problem is, that is all most people do.

Now, I’m not going to lecture you on your activities of faith because ultimately what matters is if you believe. You can believe and be someone who has a deeply intimate knowledge and understanding of God and you can be the occasional church goer and also have faith. So what is the real difference? The level of intimacy, basically. Imagine only spending time with your spouse once a week for a few hours in the presence of a group. Real intimate, right? No wonder so many have “divorced the church”.

Who God Says I Am

One of the most powerful aspects of faith, in my opinion, is learning about what God thinks about you. This is often what people focus in on when they are struggling or hurting and searching for their own identity. In terms of what the Bible says, I encourage you to discover the depths of how God describes you there… but here are some examples.

  • When you’re the 1 lost sheep out of 100, God will leave the 99 to find you.
  • God knows you so perfectly that every hair on your head is numbered.
  • All things work for the good of those who love Him.
  • The price of sin is death… yet God didn’t just wipe your debt clean, he paid all your future debts as well.
  • You were fearfully and wonderfully created… in His own (spiritual) image.

God calls you His beloved. In His eyes you have a royal robe on your shoulders and a ring of authority on your hand. There is tremendous power and inspiration in the knowledge that you are loved unconditionally. What human truly possesses this ability? None. This is why people turn to faith in their times of trouble and having unshakable faith is something to be admired.

Who Am I Really, Though?

I’m going to shake some feathers here, so if you don’t have thick skin or the ability to think for yourself you may want to stop reading right here. Or just take a deep breathe and let it out slowly. Ready?

Just because you know who God says you are doesn’t mean you know yourself.

Too many people use faith as a shield to hide behind to excuse them from seeking additional growth in their life. They’re just “waiting on God” and not taking any action in any direction of their life. People use the idea of waiting on God to put their entire life on hold and frankly, I don’t believe that’s what God intended. That’s no different than sitting in your car with it running waiting for the GPS to select a destination AND drive the car for you.

You have to MOVE in order for God to show you the way. The phrase “pray like it depends on God, work like it depends on me” has special meaning.

I’m going to make a bold claim here… I assert that a “non-believer” who has aggressively implemented a personal growth plan understands God more than most “Christians”. Why? Because the very nature of God is found in striving… facing adversity, overcoming and growing to the next level in life. Faith is no different, except that people tend to hide behind it.

I’ll end this section with this… if you doubt what I’m saying look up the gospel written by Paul and find his letter to the early churches. In them he discusses the idea of “milk” and “meat”. Babies need milk, adults eat meat. Growth in all forms is like this… physically, psychologically, spiritually. Everything.

Faith vs. Personal Development

Now, let’s be clear… plenty of people also hide behind the idea of Personal Development too! They go to conferences and seminars, they buy books and join groups and for them it’s just a social club. To be technical about it the practice of hiding behind an idea to add a perceived value to yourself is called “virtue signaling”. You see people do it on social media all the time.

These are typically the type of individuals looking for a “quick solution” and they don’t understand the full implementation of practicing the values they learn. Which, is no different than people of faith who do the same. What is the difference, then?

The difference is there are people who lean fully in faith and never understand themselves. There are also people who lean solely into personal development who never learn to understand faith. Those who marry the two obtain a deep satisfaction in not only their faith but in understanding the unique ways God created them to be. When you know your strengths, limits and unique attributes you begin to understand where God’s purpose for you lies.

It’s not profound, if you know who God says you are but know nothing about who God really made you to be… how is that glorifying to God? To everyone else watching you, you’re just a bible thumping ignoramus. But when you know exactly who you are and how what God says about you applies specifically to who you uniquely are… now we’re talking.

One Without the Other

Not everyone has faith, and I’m not here to judge. I believe you are more likely to come to understanding faith and God by learning about who you are as a human Being. You exist with purpose. You have a striving within you. You’ll make decisions that’ll pull you toward or away from the satisfaction of those yearnings.

Similar benefits exist with leaning only into faith. Especially when leaning into the teachings of Proverbs and gaining wisdom that is valid spiritually and in the world. Many people of faith who are putting in the work to find intimacy with God discover who they are in the process.

The Key

The key is to not be the person using either faith or personal development as a shield to hide behind or a sword to attack and judge others. Don’t be that person. Remember, the only person you are 100% responsible for in this world is you. Keep your eyes focused on consistently becoming a better version of yourself.

Keeping your eyes focused on bettering yourself will lead to the world around you also getting better. This gives you the opportunity to share your faith and/or philosophy with others when they come to you for advice, guidance and help. It makes you a better person and equipped to make a significant difference in the lives of those who turn to you.

This is what matters… in all faiths and philosophies there exists some form of the “Golden Rule”. Adhering to that rule is what makes you the “light and salt” in this world. People will be thirsty for your knowledge and you will be a beacon to lead them to their own strength, peace, and joy.

Never stop growing. Never stop seeking. Never stop believing in something greater than yourself. Never stop giving to those who ask with a spirit of sincerity. Never give up. Never stop hoping. Never stop praying. Never stop leading. Never stop loving… and you will die having left a mark on the world around you, one worth remembering.

This is what Master of Man is all about. I hope to see you along the journey.

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Let’s talk about masculinity… this is a topic that keeps popping up everywhere from everyone and quite frankly there are usually extremely polarized views as to what “REAL masculinity” is.

Let’s dump all that bullshit for a minute, okay?

There are different aspects of masculinity. There are biological… which can range from testosterone levels to physique, and there are psychological which is a lot harder to measure or judge accurately. Essentially… they both matter, masculinity has to be a balance. There are some massively ripped guys out there who are emotional ants and there are emotional fortresses out there that also look like somewhat of a physical fortress of dough.

The goal for any man is to couple the two. You don’t have to be a perfect beacon of physical fitness to be masculine, but you do need to have the mental fortitude.

“Toxic Masculinity”:

If I’m being honest with you, many men who build their body have done so because they don’t know how to build their mind and making themselves physically strong has been a way for them to stave off their insecurities to a degree, or at least have a facade to hide behind and get attention from.

You know these men because they are constantly posturing, or as I like to call it, “dick measuring” against other men on every single aspect of their life. Then when you roll your eyes at them they accuse you of being jealous. No one is jealous that you can screw a bunch of brainless hot girls who have more psychological issues than you do. That’s not impressive… although perhaps doing so without getting stabbed or having your dick cut off IS impressive?

The extreme of this type is the guy who thinks his penis is a demigod so he’s more in love with how a woman worships his member than he is with the power of bedding multiple women. This guy seems more in control, he’s pickier with his partners. Truth? He’s a narcissistic sociopath.

Then there is the man the previous examples are trying to emulate. He’s bold, confident, fit and he gets plenty of attention from women but he doesn’t worship his dick and he values much more than just his body as a physical temple. How can you tell this guy apart? Because he can hold an intelligent conversation and I don’t mean he can speak intelligently over you. I mean he can carry on an engaging and intelligent conversation without a need to attempt to make you feel inadequate. If anything, he’s likely to inspire you.

Do you know why? Because he doesn’t give a flying f*#k whether you’re more or less masculine than he is. He knows exactly who he is and he doesn’t need to prove it to you. This man is a magnet, being around him is soothing and enjoyable… he doesn’t judge, he probably has a good sense of humor, he sees you as you are and wants to be a positive influence on the people he meets. He’s a good guy, he has a backbone and will stand up for people and he stands firm on personal boundaries he’s established for himself in various aspects of life. This man is a certified panty dropper and he just doesn’t care because that doesn’t determine his masculinity to him. This is your true Alpha Male.

But you thought the Alpha was the biggest, baddest, meanest mother on the block? No, sorry… that guy is just a poser. He may be a lean, mean, BAMF… but he can hardly lead a pack out of anything other than fear. Do you know what happens to a wolf Alpha male if he’s nothing but a tyrant? Eventually the 2-5 other reasonably strong males in the pack team up on him and kill him. To lead the pack, whether that’s from the very front or within the front few, you have to be someone who commands respect rather than demanding fear.

Biological Masculinity:

Admittedly, I don’t know a lot about this subject. There are a lot of studies coming out discussing testosterone levels and how they affect a man both physically and psychologically and I’ll leave that to the experts…

Generally, though… biological masculinity is just being in good physical shape and being healthy. This is the pure Darwinian aspect of masculinity. Would you be a good protector? Would you starve to death because you’d be killed by a squirrel? Would a woman be biologically drawn to reproduce with you? Do you have good survival instincts?

Biological masculinity would be MUCH more apparent if we didn’t have peaceful civilizations where we have laws that protect people from offing themselves by pure incompetence… or at least that happens USUALLY. I’m sure you’ve seen videos and pictures of “Darwin Award Winners” who did something incredibly stupid and died.

Mental/Emotional Masculinity:

There are many descriptions used to define this… mental fortitude, mental toughness, maturity, emotional stability… etc. I’m not going to go out here and virtue signal and say something ridiculous like, “THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT” because it’s only a piece to the puzzle of total masculinity. 

Sure… will mastering this part land you a stronger chance at being successful in life? Yes. Is it the most fulfilling? Arguably, yes… but it can also leave you lacking if you ignore the physical aspect completely. You could master this part alone and do pretty well for yourself… Think… Donald Trump. Think… Barack Obama. Both are pitiful examples of physical masculinity yet both have been elected President of the United States, command respect in their respective circles and enjoy the luxuries of life.

Mastering this level of masculinity will bring you the most stability. You’ll be calm, confident and when adversities comes you’ll be able to endure them and find a way through. That’s what men are supposed to be able to do. No matter how far you get beaten down or knocked off course, if you have this you’ll find your way back. This is the Rocky state of mind… “it’s not how hard you can hit, it’s how hard you can GET HIT and keep getting up…” Obviously, the physical is how hard you can hit and the mental is how much you can endure while continuing to fight to move forward, on a metaphorical level.

This debate has been reawaken in the light of many things today… not only the mood of the world but also with the impact of COVID-19. You have a choice to make right now if you’re wrestling with your own masculinity. Perhaps you’re physically fit and a fine specimen of manhood but you’re emotionally collapsing under the pressure of being stuck at home, or losing your job, or having to adapt to change at your job. Stay fit, but know how you respond to the adversity in life will determine how masculine you truly are. And likewise, there are men adapting and even thriving in this environment of adversity, but they need to work on bringing their physical stature into a more healthy state.

The Bottom Line:

The bottom line is this… don’t give in to the shallow appeals toward you ego to feel you need to be an “ultra masculine” man. At the same time, don’t excuse yourself from stepping up in areas where you are lacking. The biggest take away here is this… you don’t have to be BORN into masculinity, you can develop it over time with intentional efforts toward building your body and building your mind… You have to find that place of contentment where you feel confident, strong, comfortable in your own skin, willing to keep pushing the envelope with growth,emotionally stable and powerful. Whether you need to find fitness or you need help navigating life, there is help. Your are NOT alone.

If you have a specific question and need help, reach out to me on Twitter. If I don’t have the answer for you, I will refer you to someone who does. If you’re looking for life coaching, help finding that mental fortitude and emotional masculinity… I’m your guy. If you’re looking for relationship help… I’ve got someone I trust wholly for that. If you’re looking for help returning to fitness or losing weight… I’ve got people I trust for that too.

Remember, you can schedule a free 15 Minute Discovery Call with me to determine the value of working together. Message me on Twitter for details on availability.

This is my promise for any service I provide or recommend… I will NOT advise or direct you toward anything or anyone that I have not personally experienced myself. As a Life Coach, I will never tell you to do something I haven’t or can’t do myself. For fitness or relationships, I’ll never send you to someone I don’t know and trust that can provide you value and help equip you to reach your goals.

My integrity and my character mean more to me than money… and helping people improve themselves is my passion. One of my greatest irritations in life is injustice… I get a righteous anger from seeing people misled or deliberately deceived so you can guarantee I will only endorse what I believe to truly have value.

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Now that you know WHO the Master behind the Man is, it’s time to talk about WHAT is Master of Man? What value does this concept and project provide to you and others who join the journey?

If you’re like me, you’re asking these questions in that silly sarcastic voice we have in our head when we’re facetiously questioning what it is we’re reading or about to read… “What’s this nonsense about”? (mine has a British accent for some reason…)

Our objective here is not to master all men, our objective is to master just one… YOU. Or, to be frank, you might be a WOman who desires to continually become a better version of yourself. Semantics don’t matter, “Master of Man” is simply a concept and not a misogynistic declaration. Unless, of course, you’re a feminist looking for misogyny to complain about. In which case you’re probably not all that into personal growth as opposed to demanding legislation of a collective ideology be forced upon the masses, one that ironically seeks to eliminate the idea of the “individual”… but I digress.

FOUNDATION:

I’m a conservative by nature. Does this mean I have it out for feminists? No. I feel bad for them actually. So why does this matter and what does it have to do with answering the question “What is Master of Man”? The reason I divulge that I am a conservative is not to discuss politics, or pick a fight with feminists… it’s to let you in on the foundation of my world view, which is this… the idea of the individual is the most sovereign idea that exists. I knew this in my soul but I didn’t have the words to articulate it until I was listening to a podcast by a world renowned clinical psychologist and university professor. That’s when it hit me; that statement alone all but defines my world view and how I’ve become who I am today.

So, what exactly is “Master of Man”? This is a medium where I can use my experience and talents to help other people follow that deep striving they feel to pursue greatness within themselves. For me that striving was felt in the form of anger… frustration… desire… just this simple notion in my gut that the way I was told the world was wasn’t necessarily how it is, or how it should be.

I was starving for some truth, something to feed my soul and pull me forward toward greater things. After all, was I put on this earth just to perform a certain number of menial tasks each day, collect my salary… then go home, eat my part of the food, drive on my side of the road, breathe my part of the oxygen, THEN DIE.. and HOPE I lived a worthwhile life?

No way. What the hell kind of life is that?

TRUTH:

Whether you believe in God, the Universe, Karma, or ancient aliens there is one universal truth we need to accept… you were designed to adapt to constant change, turmoil and GROWTH.

Are you surprised I didn’t say greatness? Are you even a little bit curious why I didn’t? Keep reading…

I didn’t say GREATNESS because, while we are ALL CAPABLE of greatness, greatness is a choice… and it has a price tag not many are willing to pay. Now… do I mean a price tag like grinding 20 hours a day, losing your spouse, your kids, your friends and making enemies out of your co-workers because “it’s lonely at the top”? Uh, no… if you ARE that person, know that person or you’ve heard of that person, they did it wrong… that’s not what I’m talking about.

What I’m talking about in regards to a price that must be paid is… confronting yourself. Your ego, your insecurities, your fears, your shortcomings, your character… MUCH more terrifying than finding yourself lonely at the top if you ask me… if you’re lonely at the top at least you avoided doing all these things… but then again now you’re all alone up there so, uh… what else is there to do but to set your ego aside and start looking inwardly?

Now, let’s get back to that idea of the individual being the most sovereign ideology that exists. You’ve heard it before and now you’ll hear it again… the only person you can ever have full responsibility for is, that’s right… YOU. So, what I believe is the best way to change the world is to change yourself… and that’s why I might from time to time piss off rabid feminists who want the government to dictate morality via legislation. I believe the responsibility of morality and change lies with the individual. That’s it. You don’t have to believe that, but I do… chances are if you’ve read this far you do too… or at least it makes sense to you.

Want to change the world? Great! Let’s get working on you first. It’s simple, Jesus said it in Matthew 7:3 (and no, I won’t be preaching to you, regardless of what you believe about Jesus… He was a very wise Being and much can be gleaned from His words)… “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”. We say that to other people a lot just to get them off our back, but what does it really mean?

PURPOSE:

You were born for a purpose, we all were. Sometimes we don’t have a clue what that purpose is because since we were young we were conditioned to believe that our vocation was our purpose… and while you can certainly use your vocation to FULFILL that purpose, your vocation is not your purpose.

Back to Jesus for a second… have you ever gotten saw dust in your eye? I have… I worked for a tree service for a few years and let me tell you, that is a pain almost unequal to any other. Not because it REALLY HURTS… it doesn’t hurt in intensity, it hurts because your body won’t cooperate with you while you’re trying to remain calm trying to get it out! You can’t stop blinking, your eye is rolling, your crying and jerking your head around… you may even pull a scene from a comedy movie and run until you trip and fall or smack into something… but here’s the point… most of the time, you need someone else’s help to get it out and it hurts, it’s annoying… it might even leave you with some short term discomfort and fuzzy vision. At worst, it can permanently impede your eyesight.

So what if you’re that person who can get it out on your own? Good for you… you probably didn’t have a whole lot in there, did you… or, what’s more likely, you had someone teach you all throughout your training how to avoid experiencing that event, OR you didn’t have anyone to help you so you acted out of pure necessity. If the last one is you, I’m sorry… and here’s why I say that… it sucks not to have someone there willing to help you reduce the amount of time you’re in pain or discomfort. Especially when that pain is emotional, due to the frustrations and adversities of life.

That’s what this is all about. I have been through some shit in my life, you know this is true because when I was only 21 people told me I should write a book about my life. Well, it’s 2020 now and I’m 36 and “the shit” didn’t stop coming. In fact, I’m in the middle of a new storm right now, one I’ve never experienced before… and despite the fact I’m handling it pretty well, I still seek, ask for and have help. I’m still awkwardly holding my eye open to someone else qualified to assist and asking, “Did I get it all!?!”. No matter who you are, that’ll never stop. John Maxwell is one of the most accomplished experts on leadership in the world and he’ll ramble off a list of probably a dozen people he trusts to help him in various areas of life without a second thought. MILLIONS of people turn to him for his expertise, and yet he still turns to others for their trusted counsel. It never ends.

This is why I’m here. This is my calling. After years of people telling me I would be a great: Writer, Psychologist, Counselor, Lawyer, Salesman, Story-teller, etc… I’ve decided to listen, to part of it at least. The major catalyst for me being when a former counselor turned relationship coach gave me a nudge. You know when you do something in school that makes the teacher pull you aside to tell you that you better do something with that talent and not waste it? Yeah, that’s not what she was meaning to do but that’s how it felt… it was the wake up call I needed to nudge me off the fence and it was simple message “You should be publishing sooner than later. You’re going to be a great coach, easily one of the best”.

MISSION:

This is going to be difficult for me to write… not because I “don’t know what to say”, no… it’s difficult because it is incredibly important to me and here I am thinking about what I want to tell you, I don’t even know who you are.. and I’m having this reaction in my eyes where they have extra watery like substance threatening to build up in them. Why? Because I want you to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Because I know how powerful it is to be a confident and WHOLE individual needing no validation from other people who may not have your best interest in mind. Because I know if you’re WHOLE you can be the man (or woman) everyone at work trusts… who your family trusts… who your spouse and children love and RESPECT. Because I know if you’re WHOLE when you put your hand on someone’s back who is hurting and you speak life into that individual who just needs to know there is HOPE in this world, you will change the world. One. Individual. at. a. time.

And now I’m crying. BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS TRUE… I’ve been both the person needing to be touched, needing to be encouraged, needing someone to help me Master myself… AND the person who has been through the crucible, come out the other side stronger and able to put my hand on someone else’s shoulder to let them know there is hope.

So what’s the mission? Help the hungry… help the angry… help the tired… help the frustrated… help every single person I possibly can that is stuck in that rut wanting, YEARNING to overcome their challenge so they can become the best possible version of themselves. So they can be an ideal partner, so they can be a strong, secure, loving spouse… so they can be a great father, a great mother a great sister, daughter, boss, lover, colleague, student, artist, pastor, son or friend.

How? By pursuing growth. I’m not a psychologist, I’m not interested in psychoanalyzing you and discovering your hidden obsession with your father or mother and how that explains life. Maybe we’ll uncover some psychological wounds from your past that have paralyzed you and help you work toward finding the answer for that healing whether it can be discovered on your own or if you need the help of a licensed professional. My purpose is to help you THINK and help you establish a plan for growth as well as be a sounding board you can trust… one that’s not afraid to call you out and ruffle your feathers if it’s necessary.

I’m also not your mother or your father… I’m not going to ignore what you have to say then tell you what to do. I’m going to listen to you, I’m going to help you ask tough questions, I’m going to hold you accountable, I’m going to take into account your unique circumstances and provide insight, support and direction. Direction might be… read a book, listen to a podcast, go for a walk, right down your goals, be to work on time every day this week, stop letting your ex use you as a doormat… etc. I don’t have a cookie cutter course to offer you, you’re an individual and while there are certain principles of life and human nature we could argue are universal, how we digest, understand and apply them are individually unique to us and the culmination of our experiences.

APPLICATION:

You might be wondering what to expect here, so let’s spell that out…

As a follower, you can expect thought provoking posts on topics I’m seeing a lot of people dealing with at any given time. These are free, this is my contribution to people looking for some food for thought and looking for someone’s thoughts on those subject. If there’s something you’d like to know my thoughts on… send me a message on Twitter @RealMasterofMan, or by e-mail to Tim@MasterofMan.com.

Over time you will see other opportunities as well:

– 1-on-1 coaching (via video, audio or text)… this will be qualified w/ a FREE 15 minute Discovery Call.

– First access to publications (Articles, e-books, books, etc)

– Featured Podcasts (In the future)

I may also from time to time acquire some discounts or limited space offers with other professionals I TRUST. This will be key, I will not promote anyone I don’t personally value and trust.

You can get started by accessing my Free Beginner’s Guide to Personal Development along with my list of 25 recommended books to start or continue your personal growth journey.

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you become your own Master of Man (or woman).

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Press Play and I’ll Read this post to you.

It’s a legitimate question, right? WHO AM I… No, not you… ME… who is the Master behind the Man?

Obviously I’m a man. My name is Tim and I live in Austin, Texas… USA.

Like most people in Austin, I’m not from here. I do enjoy it, I have no plans on living anywhere else anytime soon. Obviously, there is a long journey behind how I wound up here and why I committed to a Personal Growth Journey. I’ll do my best not to drown you in boring details, but be warned, there is a necessary amount of “biographical” background info.

So, buckle in… this will be a little bit of a lengthy read, but as I hate being drug through a boring and long, pointless narrative, I promise I’ll make the reading worth your while.

My background

I was born in Battle Creek, Michigan. My father is a farmer who also worked 3rd shift at Kellogg’s for 36 years. It was crazy… I’d wake up, get ready for school and be heading out the door as he was coming home from work. He’d sleep until maybe 11am – 1pm then he’d get up and work on the farm until dark. He’d watch the news (which was a sacred time, you didn’t interfere with the news without suffering wrath), then he’d take a nap for an hour or two before he’d leave for work at about 10pm. I love my dad and I have a great deal of respect for him despite whatever differences in opinions we may have. He was a Marine and served in Vietnam… when I was little I wanted to be a Marine, that was because of my dad.

My mom was… a lot of things, but mostly I remember her as a school teacher. She taught at a private Christian school that I went to from K-8th grade, before being asked to leave (more on that later). Before that she did interior design and she also did a lot of arts and crafts. She still does these days… it goes in cycles. It was scrap-booking for a while, right now it’s quilting… who knows what it’ll be in another year or two. My mother is an interesting character, she’s very stoic and cold, somewhat self absorbed in her work… whether that’s teaching or creating artsy things, she’s distant. She’s also quite intelligent, she claims this is because she’s worked really hard because my Aunt, her sister, was the naturally brilliant one and my mom had to push to compete. Fun fact, my mom is also competitive… so competitive that we tease her about cheating at children’s scrabble with her grandchildren. She hates that, but it happened!

So here is the important context about me and my parents as a child… my mom taught at the school I went to and it was a small school. My class of 16 was the largest they had ever seen. But there was a problem, this school was desperate for money and some parents see Christian school as a form of military school where they can send their troubled or misfit kids. We had a few of those… one was named Steve. Steve was a freak, 6′ tall in the 6th or 7th grade and Steve was a bully. I seemed to be a favorite target for Steve and even as a kid I was pretty feisty, so I fought back and I often got in trouble for my outbursts, usually verbally. Once we reached 7th & 8th grade, Steve stepped up his bullying and crossed over into making sexual advances toward me and at that age I didn’t know how to respond… I just wanted to be liked by everyone and didn’t want to be bullied. The only way it seemed that was possible was to try and get into Steve’s good graces or pay the price.

So, I tried… I played basketball and I was very good at the time, I’d take on anyone at any age and usually beat them or come close to it. I remember a game we beat our opponent 48-32… I scored 36 points that game… and I usually averaged about 21 points each game, in 7th & 8th grade. Well, guess who else was on the team because he was 6′? You got it… Steve. Eventually, I wanted to end my life because of the bullying and abuse, on a school field trip to Chicago I remember crying and telling one of the chaperones, who is actually Steve’s older cousin and who I have a great relationship with today, ironically. Long story short, once this all came out the school was embarrassed and despite Steve admitting to what happened and being sentenced to some community service as a minor… the school asked us BOTH not to return. Why? Probably because one of my other classmate’s mother was the principal and he was likely a victim also but wouldn’t come forward… and because I did and began engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, I was deemed a bad apple and cast aside.

I’m not bitter, though. I swear! Actually this experience taught me a very valuable lesson, EVENTUALLY… but for a long time I was very angry and depressed, especially since my mother stayed on as a teacher at that school. I felt betrayed by that and my mother and I fought viciously the remainder of my teen and young adult years. I’ll get more into this in my book when it comes out, but for now that’s a good look into my childhood.

Then what? I went to a new school… I quit basketball. I was super depressed. I almost can’t even tell you who I was, I don’t recognize that person… I was weak, hurting, desperate, lost, depressed, easily fooled… I was a kid with a lot of pain. So what did I do? Well, eventually I became a captain of my soccer team and I left high school early to join the Marine Corps. I graduated from Marine Corps Boot Camp two days before I graduated high school and I walked in my Dress Blues.

Master of Man High School Graduation Marine Dress Blues
High School Graduation, June 2002 – No, I’m not holding the flag it was just a well timed photo!

I went on to qualify for Reconnaissance while I was in the School of Infantry. Originally I had qualified to be an 0351 (Assaultman) dealing with anti-tank missiles and demolition but once I qualified for Recon they took me out and had me train with the 0311’s (Basic Rifleman) for my primary MOS. I’d end up never earning the Recon MOS of 0321 because I dropped out of the training. I had buried my hurt and the intense training along with my girlfriend and high school sweetheart of 3.5 years informing me she cheated took it’s toll.

She played games with me from the beginning, we only started dating because after I professed my undying love over and over again and she kept toying with me flirting with other boys, I basically told her to piss off… and what does she do? “Oh, well… I missed you”. Missed abusing me is more like it… ANYWAY… once she told me about cheating, coupled with the intense training and my favorite grandmother having dementia and not recognizing me anymore… I couldn’t take it.

At first the Admin office took me in and gave me OJT and got me a secondary MOS of 0151 (Admin clerk) but it was war time and once a Lieutenant in Quantico saw an available 0311, I got orders to join an infantry unit and that was that… eventually I was given an honorable discharge, I was lucky… blessed even, to have great leadership in Fox 2/3. It was a tough time, much more could be told, but again… that’ll come in the book. Hell, I could probably write a book about that experience ALONE… it was one of the most trying times of my life.

Years of anger followed. Nothing hurts more than feeling like a complete failure and completely rejected by most because of what happened to you as a kid. That’ll mess with your head. My mother claims, based on her research for her Masters Degree, that 80% of the people who experience what I have at the age I did commit suicide before the age of 25. She waited to tell me this until I was I think 28… guess she wanted to make sure I’d beat the statistics.

My years from age 19 – 25 are mostly lost, it was at age 25 I had a catalyst that finally pushed me toward starvation for personal growth and change. It was heartbreak. I had numbed myself with anger and become an intolerable asshole, then I met a girl I actually cared for and I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working. She dumped me. I lost it… that event broke open all the wounds I had been carrying around covering up with anger. It was the first, but it wouldn’t be the last because there are phases to growth.

Just because you decide you want to grow doesn’t mean you’ll do it, even if you are pumping in good material to your brain. Eventually, you are in danger of becoming an academic who can sit and pontificate about self development but who cannot speak from experience, but rather only cite a book. That foundation is great, but eventually you have to move into application,which is painful, and mastery, where you’ll find a humble confidence and peace.

Stick with me here, THIS is the the boring part… the painful application part. In movies this is where they play a motivating song and fast forward through the events that are responsible for the result as if it just goes by in a flash, easy-peasy… that is NOT how it works.

Over the next years I went through a lot of struggles. Relationships, work… you name it. I was arrogant, filled with the confidence of knowledge from my new found growth and completely paralyzed in my ability to actually apply it. I pissed off people at one job and they basically threw me into a situation designed to wash me out, so I left. My next job was too corporate and I was disturbed by the bureaucracy so, at the behest of one of the owners, I eventually went back to the company I left originally but in a middle management/administrator type role.

I decided I was tired of being told I had a bunch of knowledge from books. It was time to stop talking and start working. Eventually, however, I found myself in a pickle. I had exposed some integrity outages at the company in the department of the main profit maker. Whoops. I was meant to have a meeting with that department head and one of the owners who had admitted to being subject to that department head’s manipulations, but instead when I came in to work I was escorted to the HR office and fired. Not a single disciplinary note in my record. Later the HR director who fired me (I always liked him, he was a nice guy… not his fault he had to deliver bad news) confirmed to me directly I was fired only due a personal vendetta from… guess who? The department head I was embarrassing.

Over the last three years I have been working in sales selling Final Expense Life Insurance. I’ve increased my income over 40% every single year on a mostly part time basis. I’ve developed other agents and built a team. I’ve provided training and support to them in the field of sales and in life… and I’ve made several suggestions to the organization I work with regarding training and other aspects that I’m proud to say they listened to and implemented. I’ve been invited to participate with the leadership and contributed to an ongoing podcast series as a guest and host as well as helped refine other processes and helped support agents across 7 states. All in all, I’ve had a very pleasant experience despite the fact that through it all, guess what happened? Life. Life kept happening.

Timothy Wright Master of Man Final Expense Life Sales

It’s these last 4-5 years that the application of all that I have learned from books, mentors, coaching, etc… has really started to take hold and show up in my day to day life. And the one thing I really enjoy about my sales job is this… it FORCES me to apply growth principles, daily. If it didn’t, I’d have washed out in 2 weeks… unless pride kept me holding on a little longer.

I’ve also had the joy of sharing that experience and insight with others. I’ve met a lot of people that can indeed give me all the right answers but fail to apply them to their own life, and that is the sticking point… they have theories based on knowledge and lack the experience to know if the theory works… and what biological forces they’ll meet in the attempted application… Like FEAR. Nerves. Rejection. Adrenaline. Being Insulted. Criticism. You name it, you might be safe sitting in your cozy cafe chair theorizing about it, but to actually do it… fail, adjust, succeed and overcome? Not many people do that, they just quit and try something else while lecturing you about how you need to get out of your comfort zone because “that’s where the real success is” why? Because they know it sounds good, and in principle, it’s true!

I’m not into that. I’m into being real. When I’m confronted about something that’s getting in my way I own it… YUP… I’m paralyzed with fear right now. Why!?! Because if I name it I’ve identified it and now I can confront it, that’s why. There is some merit in always “staying positive” but you lying to yourself about reality isn’t going to make it go away… your subconscious knows it’s a lie and eventually you’ll start resenting that your positive thoughts aren’t attracting you a millionaire lifestyle while you binge watch Netflix and avoid confronting your demons. I have a special gift in helping people identify their reality and make a real plan to confront their challenges. Quite frankly, that’s what people want… they are tired of vague generalities and politically correct drivel. They want to be given something they can sink their teeth in… something that might hurt a little but ultimately they know is in their best interest and will make them a better person.

So how do we do that? Well… that’s what I’m here to help figure out. I can give you a generic answer like “lots of reading, and application!” and that’s TRUE… but what should you be reading? Where and how should you be looking for opportunities for application and who are you going to turn to when you fall flat on your face? Coaching or mentorship, whatever nomenclature you’d like to give it, is how you speed up that process. Notice I said “speed up” and NOT “short cut”. There is no short cut… you might get lucky and nail something on the first try here or there or only stumble instead of falling flat on your face… good! I hope that’s your case, but it’s not the typical case. Growth is hard and it’s painful… but IT’S WORTH IT. You’ll look back on the person you were and you won’t be able to recognize them… and you’ll be grateful for that!

My personal growth story SUCKED… but it was worth it. I’d never take it back to erase any of the pain because without it I wouldn’t be who I am today. Also, it’s not over… it’s never over! You just get better and better at it and learn how to manage your energy and emotions so you can continue to grow and start pouring into others. That’s how we change the world.

So… if you want to talk more or have any questions for me, I’d love to hear from you. Go to the “Contact” tab and send me a message or e-mail.

If you’re ready to take control of your Personal Growth Journey and are committed to taking action through coaching, you can schedule a 15 minute intro call with me to see if working together would be a good fit. I take clients on a case by case basis, I only want to work with those who are as committed to their personal growth as I am to helping them in that process.

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