“Toxic Masculinity” – What is this Bullsh*t?

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Let’s talk about masculinity… this is a topic that keeps popping up everywhere from everyone and quite frankly there are usually extremely polarized views as to what “REAL masculinity” is.

Let’s dump all that bullshit for a minute, okay?

There are different aspects of masculinity. There are biological… which can range from testosterone levels to physique, and there are psychological which is a lot harder to measure or judge accurately. Essentially… they both matter, masculinity has to be a balance. There are some massively ripped guys out there who are emotional ants and there are emotional fortresses out there that also look like somewhat of a physical fortress of dough.

The goal for any man is to couple the two. You don’t have to be a perfect beacon of physical fitness to be masculine, but you do need to have the mental fortitude.

“Toxic Masculinity”:

If I’m being honest with you, many men who build their body have done so because they don’t know how to build their mind and making themselves physically strong has been a way for them to stave off their insecurities to a degree, or at least have a facade to hide behind and get attention from.

You know these men because they are constantly posturing, or as I like to call it, “dick measuring” against other men on every single aspect of their life. Then when you roll your eyes at them they accuse you of being jealous. No one is jealous that you can screw a bunch of brainless hot girls who have more psychological issues than you do. That’s not impressive… although perhaps doing so without getting stabbed or having your dick cut off IS impressive?

The extreme of this type is the guy who thinks his penis is a demigod so he’s more in love with how a woman worships his member than he is with the power of bedding multiple women. This guy seems more in control, he’s pickier with his partners. Truth? He’s a narcissistic sociopath.

Then there is the man the previous examples are trying to emulate. He’s bold, confident, fit and he gets plenty of attention from women but he doesn’t worship his dick and he values much more than just his body as a physical temple. How can you tell this guy apart? Because he can hold an intelligent conversation and I don’t mean he can speak intelligently over you. I mean he can carry on an engaging and intelligent conversation without a need to attempt to make you feel inadequate. If anything, he’s likely to inspire you.

Do you know why? Because he doesn’t give a flying f*#k whether you’re more or less masculine than he is. He knows exactly who he is and he doesn’t need to prove it to you. This man is a magnet, being around him is soothing and enjoyable… he doesn’t judge, he probably has a good sense of humor, he sees you as you are and wants to be a positive influence on the people he meets. He’s a good guy, he has a backbone and will stand up for people and he stands firm on personal boundaries he’s established for himself in various aspects of life. This man is a certified panty dropper and he just doesn’t care because that doesn’t determine his masculinity to him. This is your true Alpha Male.

But you thought the Alpha was the biggest, baddest, meanest mother on the block? No, sorry… that guy is just a poser. He may be a lean, mean, BAMF… but he can hardly lead a pack out of anything other than fear. Do you know what happens to a wolf Alpha male if he’s nothing but a tyrant? Eventually the 2-5 other reasonably strong males in the pack team up on him and kill him. To lead the pack, whether that’s from the very front or within the front few, you have to be someone who commands respect rather than demanding fear.

Biological Masculinity:

Admittedly, I don’t know a lot about this subject. There are a lot of studies coming out discussing testosterone levels and how they affect a man both physically and psychologically and I’ll leave that to the experts…

Generally, though… biological masculinity is just being in good physical shape and being healthy. This is the pure Darwinian aspect of masculinity. Would you be a good protector? Would you starve to death because you’d be killed by a squirrel? Would a woman be biologically drawn to reproduce with you? Do you have good survival instincts?

Biological masculinity would be MUCH more apparent if we didn’t have peaceful civilizations where we have laws that protect people from offing themselves by pure incompetence… or at least that happens USUALLY. I’m sure you’ve seen videos and pictures of “Darwin Award Winners” who did something incredibly stupid and died.

Mental/Emotional Masculinity:

There are many descriptions used to define this… mental fortitude, mental toughness, maturity, emotional stability… etc. I’m not going to go out here and virtue signal and say something ridiculous like, “THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT” because it’s only a piece to the puzzle of total masculinity. 

Sure… will mastering this part land you a stronger chance at being successful in life? Yes. Is it the most fulfilling? Arguably, yes… but it can also leave you lacking if you ignore the physical aspect completely. You could master this part alone and do pretty well for yourself… Think… Donald Trump. Think… Barack Obama. Both are pitiful examples of physical masculinity yet both have been elected President of the United States, command respect in their respective circles and enjoy the luxuries of life.

Mastering this level of masculinity will bring you the most stability. You’ll be calm, confident and when adversities comes you’ll be able to endure them and find a way through. That’s what men are supposed to be able to do. No matter how far you get beaten down or knocked off course, if you have this you’ll find your way back. This is the Rocky state of mind… “it’s not how hard you can hit, it’s how hard you can GET HIT and keep getting up…” Obviously, the physical is how hard you can hit and the mental is how much you can endure while continuing to fight to move forward, on a metaphorical level.

This debate has been reawaken in the light of many things today… not only the mood of the world but also with the impact of COVID-19. You have a choice to make right now if you’re wrestling with your own masculinity. Perhaps you’re physically fit and a fine specimen of manhood but you’re emotionally collapsing under the pressure of being stuck at home, or losing your job, or having to adapt to change at your job. Stay fit, but know how you respond to the adversity in life will determine how masculine you truly are. And likewise, there are men adapting and even thriving in this environment of adversity, but they need to work on bringing their physical stature into a more healthy state.

The Bottom Line:

The bottom line is this… don’t give in to the shallow appeals toward you ego to feel you need to be an “ultra masculine” man. At the same time, don’t excuse yourself from stepping up in areas where you are lacking. The biggest take away here is this… you don’t have to be BORN into masculinity, you can develop it over time with intentional efforts toward building your body and building your mind… You have to find that place of contentment where you feel confident, strong, comfortable in your own skin, willing to keep pushing the envelope with growth,emotionally stable and powerful. Whether you need to find fitness or you need help navigating life, there is help. Your are NOT alone.

If you have a specific question and need help, reach out to me on Twitter. If I don’t have the answer for you, I will refer you to someone who does. If you’re looking for life coaching, help finding that mental fortitude and emotional masculinity… I’m your guy. If you’re looking for relationship help… I’ve got someone I trust wholly for that. If you’re looking for help returning to fitness or losing weight… I’ve got people I trust for that too.

Remember, you can schedule a free 15 Minute Discovery Call with me to determine the value of working together. Message me on Twitter for details on availability.

This is my promise for any service I provide or recommend… I will NOT advise or direct you toward anything or anyone that I have not personally experienced myself. As a Life Coach, I will never tell you to do something I haven’t or can’t do myself. For fitness or relationships, I’ll never send you to someone I don’t know and trust that can provide you value and help equip you to reach your goals.

My integrity and my character mean more to me than money… and helping people improve themselves is my passion. One of my greatest irritations in life is injustice… I get a righteous anger from seeing people misled or deliberately deceived so you can guarantee I will only endorse what I believe to truly have value.

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